Thursday 5 September 2013

The Rope Analogy

There was this girl I was friends with in school. In fact, she was my best friend for a couple of years till we reached the age of 14. Then something happened, and suddenly we were at the opposite end of the friendship spectrum. It was over, and I moved on.

A few years later, I formed a small study group with a couple of friends. One of them brought my former friend along too one day, and despite our differences, I couldn't back out as that would have ruined everything for the whole group. As time went by, we got more civil, and eventually started regarding each other as "friends" again. We studied together, we laughed, we hung out. And yet, something always kept prickling my subconscious. I didn't feel very comfortable in her presence. My guard was always up. The friendship felt superficial...and forced.

This disturbed me, and also affected my results from the combined study we were doing in the group. I confided my misgivings to my mum. That's when mum told me,


"You can tie a severed rope back together, but the knot will always be present."


via



Needless to say, my relationship with that friend soon soured. Again.

I find that what mum said is true. An ex is an ex for a reason, be it friend, partner, or anything else. You can glue the pieces back together, be civil for the sake of civility, but it won't be the same relationship again. Forgiveness is all fine, but expecting a once-broken relationship to go back to what it was is not feasible.



Jenni is hosting a blogging challenge this month. I expect I'll sporadically be joining in on the fun.

Today's Prompt:  Pass on some useful advice or information you learned and always remembered.

24 comments:

  1. Great analogy. I've never heard that particular piece of advice before, but it's very true...

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    1. I've not heard it anywhere else either, but yes, it really hits home.

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  2. I think this is a great analogy and advice--especially the "an ex is an ex for a reason" Too many people tend to forget that reason....

    The Random Writings of Rachel

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    1. True, I think sometimes, an ex is like a vacation - you forget the bad times and hang on to the good.

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  3. I see where you are coming from because it has happened to me as well. But I have had a couple of friendships where we have had rocky patches and not seen each other for a while. But in time we managed to move on from that, I guess I was lucky :-)

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    1. You are lucky, that doesn't happen often. I'm happy you rekindled those friendships :)

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  4. Wow yes, it is so true! once there is a crack in the glass, there always will be a crack. Nothing can be done. Either smash it or just live with it.

    Good one! 。◕‿◕。

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    1. HEY, this is a great way to put it! I love this!

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  5. This is very true, and a good analogy. Friendships are very difficult to get back if they ended on odd terms.

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    1. True, it's almost impossible to bring it back on track after it has derailed.

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  6. Thanks for sharing this story! It's so scary because when someone you love betrays you....you can forgive but it will never be forgotten. Your mom was right. Great analogy. Also why relationships are so fragile.

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    1. The sad thing is, we don't appreciate how fragile it is while it's intact.

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  7. Very wise, I wish we could tell our teenage selves that and save a lot of heartache!

    x
    Liz
    Indulgera Blog

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  8. This is so very true (and also a very similar thing happened to me. I had a girl who was my best friend for 4 years and then suddenly, we just weren't. It was really pretty awkward. We never even tried to be civil after that).

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    1. Er I forgot to mention we were like 10-14 too! Junior high...rough age.

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    2. The early teens are such a confusing period. Trust me, it was hard at first to even talk to that ex-friend, let alone be civil.

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  9. That's such a great analogy. I completely agree with your mum and gah, aren't mothers just so wise? I really do wish that with some people, things could go back to the "way they were" though :(

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    1. Mums really do know best! Most relationships don't go back to the way they were, but apparently some do; not in my own experience though.

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  10. I completely agree. I remember reuniting with a childhood best friend in my home country, a few years ago who happens to be an expat like me in Dubai. We just found each other here. After spending some time together, we realized we had nothing in common and are polar opposites. The relationship just turned very dry until we lost touch once again.

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